Beautiful Disaster

Describing what happens during a Crossfit workout is a very difficult task. The technical definition falls abysmally short of what really happens to the relationship between your brain and your body; what happens to your will power; what happens to your courage; what happens to your entire being, 360 degrees, inside and out. It's hard. You go to places that are hard to be in; you train yourself to be very uncomfortable and to SUCCEED in that extremely uncomfortable place. You learn the art of mind/body maintenance; to reject the fight or flight response and use that adrenaline to your advantage. You learn to trust the power of your body.

It's assaulting and traumatic, and you may break down into tears. Really.

This morning was very cold, and the I AM CROSSFIT benchmark workout was sure to be brutal. I did not go up to the 95#s after all; I attempted one yesterday morning at half ass determination, because attempting one at full speed is slightly unrealistic considering you have to complete 21 total AND 45 pull ups AND a 3/4 mile run. In 12 minutes (they extended the time). I couldn't float the bar high enough. I've been through enough of these brutal workouts to know what kind of output is necessary to complete the WOD, so I chose to make my pull ups and my run the focus and dropped my level to 65#s. Yes, 65#s is absolutely doable for me. If I could have gone to 85#s I would have in a heartbeat, and that weight would have been much more appropriate. I decided last night before I went to bed that choosing weights and workouts which bring me to my knees every single time, while definitely appropriate at times, should not be the norm. I will actively choose when I want to be punched in the face by my ambition. I will actively choose to walk into those brutal fires. This morning I sought to be in complete control, which is completely opposite of what I normally do. Magic laser beams of focus, yo. Make it hard, but make it right. Make it perfect, make it complete.

Immediately after check in, I had to strip down to my sports bra and pants for a bona fide before picture. Full exposure. Everyone was appropriately uncomfortable with that. Everyone looked intense, everyone was pensive. It was so cold outside, temps were below 30 degrees for most people. The air was impossible to breathe!

My pull ups felt fantastic, my hang clean reps were airy and completely unbroken. Up and down, up and down. They could not have felt more perfect. My run was clean and crisp on the first round and began sagging exponentially on the second and third. I didn't make it before the cut off time, but that's fine. Technically speaking, in terms of finishing, it was a disaster, but dammit if I didn't make it pretty. My partner in Crossfit crime, Anna, who has only been doing this for 4 months, took on full kipping pull ups and 65# hang cleans. Phenomenal effort on her part and she will make it solid in eight weeks if she continues her current "freak of nature" trend. Watch out for her, she's on her way to lapping most of us. Girl's got heart.

What happens at the end of a workout like this one is intense. Your head spins, everyone is shouting for you to go on hard, you are basically incapable of critical thinking, lost in a haze. At one point the crowd in front of me thought I said no in response to their shouts (which I totally know better than to do), and in hindsight, while I didn't actually say no, it was a long moan and it was my body effectively saying no more. Everything moves so slowly and it takes everything to pull more energy. Confusion is normal and irritating... At the end, instead of walking away from this workout bruised and in need of repair, I walked away 100% motivated and full of life. 100% ready to take the next eight weeks and do something completely different.

I apologize if I decline glasses of wine, or a bite of your incredible cheese laden dish. I apologize if I choose a workout over social events. It's just eight weeks, maybe you should join me? Detox more than your colon at the start of the year.... detox your life.