Happy Birthday Eve

In May 2007 I was asked by a family friend who had just been diagnosed with stage IV brain cancer to be her primary caretaker when she left the hospital. She lived nine months and I consider the time I spent working with her to be one of the most fulfilling and intense experiences of my life. It's impossible for me to describe in words the wealth of knowledge I gained from working for her, but suffice to say I feel like I received secrets about life from heaven itself.

She loved Fat Bastard white wine, pepperoni pizza with jalapenos, and chocolate. If you find yourself around any of these things this evening, have a bite or a sip in her honor.



"I don't want to be well preserved when I die..... I want to slide into that grave sideways, screaming, wahoo, wahoo!" -Eve Lepore

Today's WOD:
5 Rounds
10 DL's 95#s
50 Double Unders
DNF, made 80% on double under attempts, solid.

Unicorns and a Magic 135

Dear Universe/God/Brahma/Allah/FSM/Xenu/Carl Sagan/Man in the Sky, could I please, please, please, please get a FAH-REAKIN first of the month assessment which does not also coincide with the ONE DAMN week a month that I am at my lowest-low?
Please?
I'm down with adversity, you do know this by now. I take your heavenly punches on my chin while maintaining a shit eating grin and I carry that blasted torch of optimism courageously through your most brutal below the belt assaults.... HOWEVUH, two totally different sets of hormones puking up all over my insides for seven days a month is not healthy for anyone. Even people that don't know me or know of my existence. Could you please direct me to the path that will help just one of them calm the hell down? Thyroid, to be exact. If you even look sideways at my uterus I will cut you. Capiche?
*/rant*

Moving on, I need to regroup some goals....

Goal #1- For some reason I feel like my life will be completely perfect at 135lbs. I plucked that number out of my past, I've gone as skinny (read: emaciated and starving) as 118 before, and felt that 135 lbs was a healthy weight. A healthy weight with no muscle. I'm starting to wonder if 135lbs that also includes the kind of muscle required to over head 100#s is comparable to me wanting to ride a unicorn and have fairies clean my house. All of them sound freaking awesome, but aren't rooted in any kind of reality close to this one. Maybe I should aim towards dropping that body fat, and stay off the scale.

Goal #2- The 200 Club. I'm there, so close, standing two inches to the left. Do you see me? I'm the one that looks like I just ate a slug.
Core work comprises lots of things, not just isolated ab work. I need to do front squats. I need to dead lifts. I need to do lots of these things over and over again. Form, form, form. This morning during totals, I'd start the lift, my back would curl, and Jen would shout. While I could walk away from that lift this morning with my lower back in perfect condition, my ego remains shattered in pieces on the floor of that gym. Not sure which hurts more, but I know which one heals more easily.

Goal #3- Etsy store for the workout journals. Coming next week....

I have smoked salmon, cabbage and avocado nori rolls for lunch today (YUM) and tonight I'm doing plank for, like, AN HOUR. I'm also going to relish in the new reality of no longer being the breadwinner and allowing my psuedo-husband to make more money than I do. I'm so proud of him I feel like I could explode into confetti and silly string. I missed that two income household structure so much.....

Eva!

"Eva"
5 Rounds For Time
800m Run
30 24kg KB Swing
30 Pull Ups


Eva T is a real person, a badass, and this morning was a workout with her name. She is impressive. Really.



See?

I got through two rounds in the 25 minute cap, 20kg swings and unassisted pull ups. This is day one of 20kg (appx 44lbs)! I'm nervous! This means 20kg swings are now the new normal, which also means that sdhp's are up to 24kg, clean and press is 16kg, and what about the snatches? Hmmm...it's a complicated move, and with too much weight, you could really end up hurting yourself. I'll give it a go at 16kg, but reserve the right to drop for the sake of the form. The only exercise that still remains at the 12kg level is the Turkish Get Up, which should be increased to the 14kg, 16kg is a hearty jump for that move.
Oh 12sie are we coming to the end of our road together? I remember when you were so heavy...

My push ups felt so much tighter in the warm up this morning and Jen confirmed my suspicions that they were in fact pretty push ups. I just described my push ups as "pretty" did you catch that? I'm going to make those pull ups pretty one of these days. I've been taking a few extra breaks during the reps to stop and think about the movement and why it's not working, spending a little more time making sure my feet are together and I'm breathing at the top of the bar instead of holding my breath. This movement is a hard one to get down! When I started kipping in class during workouts, I had some serious expectations for myself and did not anticipate another fresh round of learning curves to deal with. Surprise!

Um. No.

I suppose given the recent pressure put on by advocacy groups to disclose when an image has been retouched to hell, the fashion industry decided to simply abandon any semblance of ACTUALLY BEING HUMAN and/or ALIVE.

Her HAND (down by her leg) is as big as her thigh. Really? Seriously? How is it that no one caught this before been greenlit for distribution? Has their art department lost touch with the very basics of human proportions?

Oiy.

Holy Crap That's My Arm

(Post Fight Gone Bad, Team Phoenix hotness!)


Four years ago Kito and I were sprawled out on our couch, probably eating huge sandwiches loaded with mayo and cheese, watching TV during the New Year's blitz of weight loss ads from gyms and Special K cereal. One of the commercials was a super fit woman chastising a not so fit man for being lazy. She was wearing a cute midriff exposing outfit with well defined, most likely airbrushed, abs. I said aloud "I don't think I could ever look like that." Kito said that I could look like that, if I went to the gym everyday. The conversation digressed into how I believed my genetics just did not support athleticism and maybe I should just learn to deal with what I had been given. He rolled his eyes a lot.

Blah, blah, blah. While I doubt my torso will ever spontaneously elongate to give me the body shape of that actress, I can finally call myself a fit person, and can happily report I am not at the gym everyday, sequestered to a treadmill or hip abductor machine.

Please forgive me if I come across as boastful about some things, like, my arm in that picture. Most of it comes from a place of disbelief that I, Miss IfYouSeeMeRunningCallThePoliceCuzSomeoneIsTryingToKillMe, had the drive and motivation to care so much about being a healthy person. My 23 year old self would be awestruck that 1) I don't smoke anymore and 2) I don't eat cheese. I'm not sure she could even conceptualize that in five years she would be doing pull ups, or be 5lbs away from the 200# dead lift club. The transition from smoking a pack and a half a day to having an arm that looks like that, in the above picture, has been so fast, I've had trouble keeping up with my reality. That smoking, cheese eating, careless person feels like a lifetime ago, and yet three and half years isn't long at all. 42 months ago. The topic of self transformation is a popular one for me, and I've found myself surrounded by people attempting to reconcile their unhealthy past with their shiny new present. It's pretty spectacular and I'm really lucky.

However, all this self improvement shit aside, I totally reserve the right to smoke a cigarette and drink whiskey on my 80th birthday.

Christine

This is one of my all time favorite songs and relates to the workout we did this morning in name only.

"Christine"
500m row
Body Weight Dead Lift
Box Jumps

We ran through the workout in two heats, which allowed a longer recovery time, thankfully, between rounds. I lifted 135#s, which is about 8lbs less than what I actually weighed this morning (I ate an entire pound of sausage yesterday, zoned and in proportion, but a pound nonetheless). Don't worry, it was still heavy. By the third round I was able to increase the reps to 3 at a time, tap and go, which was great. My legs are still wobbly and crispy from Fran this weekend and Annie on Friday (oh my calves!), so box jumps needed to be modified to step ups.

Anna and I did some pull up practice, she did much more than I. My forearms weren't having it, and so I gave it two rounds and called it a day.

I'm crashing on the thyroid hormone, the other direction, and today is a swollen eyes-unbelievable fatigue day. I can't even begin to describe how unnatural it feels to have my eyes open right now. There is an entire day of very clean eating portioned out next to my desk and that usually takes the edge off so my body can delegate resources efficiently. I'm running extremely low today. When my levels get like this, exercise has the opposite affect and ends up slamming me to the pavement for the rest of the day, but I don't dare stop. I will modify a workout before skipping completely due to thyroid fatigue. If I can walk, I can make it to the gym.

Anywho, quick shout out to Cindy in the 5:45am class who informed us this morning that she's lost a total of 11% body fat, which is phenomenal. I'm not one to divulge a woman's age in a public arena, but let's just say that every woman over the age of 35 who believes they have passed their prime should meet her. Just because you never have doesn't mean that you never will. Congrats Cindy!!!!

Franny

I have a friend named Franny, really I do, we worked together on Grindhouse. She's pretty incredible, works extremely hard and is calculating and fearless in the face of movie production bullshit, which is very hard. She also makes really adorable faces. I can't help but think about her when our benchmark workout "Fran" comes around:

"Fran"
21-15-9
65# Thrusters
Pull Ups

This was my last Fran and notice I mention "faster" quite a lot. The cut off time this morning was 10 minutes and I made it to the third round. True confessions: last Fran was 28 minutes. Granted, I stopped focusing on time, and just took extra recovery. It didn't have to be that long and drawn out. This morning I did get faster and I now have five weeks to bring it down. How shall I proceed?

Heavy thrusters. As heavy as I can and still get three reps, with recovery in between rounds, for 5 rounds. It's also time to graduate my pull ups. There is no good reason why I am at 3's other than a mental block. I'm strong enough to tackle more and I've earned it. Five weeks under 10 minutes. Shit, let's rock the boat and say sub 8. I fold at the bottom of the squat and that ends up making the entire movement totally inefficient. I waste my energy instead of utilizing momentum, not good.

In related news, I have officially gotten bruised by a part of my own body. Driving home I noticed parallel bruises on my upper thighs and realized they were inflicted by my elbows coming down from those damn thrusters. Nice.

I love making new friends

This is a double under:


We had a hard start. Failing at double unders also means you get whipped in the chins, which is absolutely as unpleasant as it sounds. Not only do you have to deal with the frustration of failing, but it also stings.

Anyreallydifficultlearningcurve...

"Annie"
50-40-30-20-10
Double Unders
Sit Ups

I scored about an 80% on all rounds for the double unders, which by the way is FUH-RACKING INCREDIBLE, considering that my previous grand total was THREE. Three total. Not consecutive. This morning I got one DU and then another, and then another. Then I was getting them in a row. It felt slightly magical.

DU's and myself are now friends. Glad we could solidify this, it's been rocky getting to know them....

Nasty Girls!

It's been MONTHS, possibly almost a year, since we have done this workout and it is one of my all time favorites.

"Nasty Girls"
50 Air Squats
7 Muscle Ups (scaled)
10 Power Hang Cleans (elite is 95#, I did 85#)

Here's a video. Notice how the ladies don't actually touch the ground while they are doing muscle ups, and the workout basically brings one of them to tears. We've all been there, crying is ok, just don't give up....


(oh, this video was not sped up, they really are going that fast)

I PR'd with 85# hang cleans today! Hooray! Only 10 more pounds! In February my PR was 65#s, so I should be good to go by January... I Am Crossfit Challenge, I'm talking to you honey bunny....

<3 <3

I'm going to see this next week and cry through the whole damn thing.

Just when you thought your diet couldn't get more restrictive

It gets more restrictive! HA!

After a few hours of research on steps to heal my immune system and many, many webpages suggesting I do the same damn stuff I've been doing for over a year the last alteration on the list that remains unchecked is.......drumroll please........

Nightshades.

Ok, bye bye nightshades. I have one more bell pepper and about a cup of cherry tomatoes, which I will finish, but after that it's over. Six weeks solid, eight weeks if I can swing it.

What's our tally you ask?

NO....

dairy
bread
grains/wheat/flour
eggplant
bell peppers
tomatoes
white potatoes
sugar
all spicy seasonings (save curry powder)
alcohol
fun

That last one was a joke! Ok, for serious now... That list doesn't look too terribly long! What can I eat?

YES....

meat
vegetables
fruit
nuts
seeds

That list looks short, but trust me, when you dig deep it's amazing how much you can squeeze out of just a few ingredients.

The no nightshade rule cured my friend Catherine of tendinitis, maybe it can help my immune system snap back into reality? Only one way to find out....down the rabbit hole we go again....

Can't keep a good thyroid down

It's official.
My thyroid is regrowing.

I don't know the exact percentage of people who experience this but as my doctor put it this morning, this is "very rare." In light of this news, I'm deeming it a perfect opportunity to heal my immune system, something that my acute condition last summer didn't allow me to do. I have the chance now, while my numbers are actually in the green zone (hooray!), to dive in and really give my lifestyle the final tweak it needs to assist my immune system in calming the f*ck down. Just because I attempted to kill my thyroid, doesn't mean that stopped the autoimmune disease. All I did was remove the object of its hatred, and now that the object has decided to come back to life...well...obviously this creates a situation.

Whatevs. I'm slightly proud of my body's resilience. I hope that in the future it will manifest in a time when I need it most.

Pistol Whipped

"Mary"

AMRAP in 20 minutes
5 Hand Stand Push Ups (scaled)
10 pistols
15 pull ups

This is a pistol:


...and mine were pretty terrible. Flexibility was obviously a big problem and I should add in deep stretching as an every day activity instead of every so often.

Five complete rounds with 3 rounds of kipping pull ups. I ripped during the third round and switched to dead hangs on a band and there was a minute or so lost due to taping up my hand because it was bleeding (yummy).

I slept my entire weekend away, and finally kicked out whatever hob-goblin was attempting to invade my lungs. Swine flu is hitting the Austin area fairly severely, and with all sorts of publicized shut downs and distressed newscasters, it's hard to keep your head on straight when it comes to what is real, and what is just a spectacular news story. Either way I don't want it.

Here's a Swine Flu PSA from 1976. Yes, we've been here and done that.
As always.

Jello Thighs

Think wobble not jiggle.

This morning was "Grace" 30 reps clean and jerk at 75#'s. We did this last month and my time was 9:21, so in keeping with my commitment to getting faster in the month of October, I was determined to bring that down.

New Grace time 5:32! That's a lot faster. By rep 20 my push jerks were more like push presses, but this means that I should be more than capable of pressing more for my CF total in November.

The sub 5 minute workouts continued....

50 deadlifts at 75#'s, not timed, but certainly core rippling.

Last, and certainly not least, was "Jeremy" : 21-15-9 OH squats with a PVC pipe and burpees. OUCH. My burpees were totally sloppy by the end. In my mind burpees don't hurt and they look like so much fun: jump up jump down, weeeeeeee, clap! When injecting reality into burpees, there isn't a lot of "weeeeeeeeee" after the first 5-10.

Felt like my first time walking.

On a completely (un?)related note someone just stole my heart....unassuming, simple stitching. One day sweetheart, one day.