Select Parts of the Last 10 Years

Shaking off art barnacles is a painful process. I've been away for so long that retrieving my sea legs is going to be arduous at best. I love all materials and haven't been much into limiting myself to one medium...which does create problems. Too many options can leave a person stalemated. Do I sew, paint, draw, photograph, collage...draw...all of them? Therefore, I am looking to the past, and while the selection below isn't necessarily what I consider to be my best work...it's work nonetheless and proof that at one point or another I was prolific.

It is a mishmash of many years and many lives.


Old books with white gesso painted over the pages to create a blank sketchbook...there are a total of four of these books, some select pages:













Scanned, printed and sewn together for senior thesis:







The back of the piece was actually my favorite...


Photos:













Digital Drawings:





These were cut out and inlaid into opaque black plastic, and are my favorite collection to date.

Now I just have to jump in and get the weeds out.

Thyroid Apocalypse, One Year Later: Doctors

Doctors are a necessary part of being a healthy individual. I'm a firm believer in the combination of holistic and Western medical practices for a comprehensive approach to being a healthy person.

There is, however, a limit for each. When I was diagnosed with Graves' Disease the doctor I was referred to told me, in no uncertain terms, I was in danger of dying. My numbers were off the charts, my body was in total chaos, and everything she read on those lab sheets pointed to pre-pre-congestive heart failure. My legs and ankles were swollen with fluid and reinforced her lab results-based theory. I didn't feel nearly as terrible as she was making me out to be, and needless to say this was very confusing. After one particularly gloomy appointment I started calling her Dr. Doom. She had me checking my blood pressure every three hours AND taking my temperature every five hours in case I entered into a state of thyroid shock.

What wasn't listed in her lab results was how healthy I actually was. She had no idea of how completely my body had adapted to the thyroid overload. Granted, it would have eventually sputtered out, and I would have needed a heart transplant. Eventually, years and years down the line. Not in six weeks, or five years for that matter.

It's easier to sell pills to people who don't feel as though they have responsibility over their health. In defense of some doctors, most people are looking for those silver bullet pharmaceuticals. A fix all, mend all, no side effect too risky type remedy so they won't have to adjust their lives at all. Dr. Doom wanted me on six weeks of expensive anti thyroid therapy, which had very serious side effects, and three to five blood pressure pills a day. I told the doctor that I wasn't interested in "convenience treatments." I told her I was "willing to put in the work to get my body back" and she told me "your body is beyond your control. There isn't much you can do besides do what I say." (Insert heavy sigh.)

I was not impressed and wrote an email to my late grandmother's endocrinologist, begging him more or less for a second opinion. He thankfully agreed and told me that there was a significant difference between what he saw on paper and what he saw in my appearance. I was healthy beyond compare. My body was adapting to the breakdown, and he believed I could handle the radioactive iodine treatment without delay. No dangerous pill treatments or scary side effects, and he switched me to a blood pressure med that I took once a day, not five times. His feeling was to get past this breakdown as quickly as possible so I could get back to normal as quickly as possible. He also said that he would be glad to take me on as a patient until I stabilized, which was extremely generous considering he hadn't taken on any new patients in almost a year. In spite of feeling slightly defeated because the radioactive iodine treatment turned out to be the most effective means to heal myself, I was thankful to have found a doctor who believed in my ability to make my own healthy decisions.

We met every few weeks after the initial radioactive treatment. He was aware of my diet and my exercise regimen. Each time I came to see him the first question was "still not eating bread?" When I would call their office frantically with complaints of my hair falling out in clumps, my pulse was too fast, or my eyes were swelling he'd thank me for being so diligent but remind me to be patient. He was correct, it all eventually stopped.

The trick is not getting rid of doctors completely, but finding those that are willing to cater treatments to your goals. People that feel empowered in regards to their health have faster recovery times than those who feel as though they have no control. Guess which people spend less money on health care? (We shouldn't have to spend ANY money on health care...but that's another topic entirely.) Everything that doctors say should be taken as an option, not gospel. However, vitamins and broccoli won't repair my spleen after a car crash, so for that, I tip my hat the the Western medical establishment and thank them for saving the lives of people everyday. For everything else in between, barring pathogens and major illnesses, vitamins and broccoli will do just fine.

Thyroid Apocalypse, One Year Later: Diet

This week, one year ago, I started the wave of doctors appointments and blood draws to pin down the cause of my extremely large thyroid gland. My thyroid was huge. Normal size maxes out around 30g and mine was a whopping 114g. Now, I had been in CrossFit classes up until this point, trudging through the workouts, feeling like a complete wimp because my body could not continue most of the time. My heart felt like it was coughing at times, which sounds about as comfortable as it feels. Gurgling in my chest, shaking hands, absolutely no power, no breath....

Thus began my journey into learning how to really take care of myself and understanding how deep the separation between body and mind was.

I removed everything that I loved from my diet. Everything. Cheese, all grains, anything with iodine (avocado, seriously), alcohol, all sugar, and then gradually added some things back in for short bits to see how I felt. No doctor told me to do this. I knew this was the way to decrease the symptoms of the hyperthyroid disorder I had been dealing with. I used information from the internet to guide me to the most serious offenders in the food world and went from there. Everyone is different, so I was careful to not throw myself into one path, but look to as many as possible.

Changing your diet for the long term is like stopping a freight train. There are so many different layers present in our relationship with food and most of them are so subconscious to our daily existence, we overlook them with ease. We actually don't WANT to find them so we project and deflect, dance around the real reason, because quite frankly the real reason is the one that's going to hurt the most.

Cuz it's rarely about food.

One year later I have a very accurate view of my body and what it needs. I miss eating certain things, and every once in while I indulge a little, but it takes me a few days to recover. I don't know many people who get a hangover from eating a piece of cake, it's very annoying.

One year ago this week my Crossfit totals (max weight) were:
Dead Lift: 70lbs
Shoulder Press: 35lbs
Back Squat: 45lbs
-Excess thyroid hormone degrades the muscle tissue in the shoulders and the hips.

Two weeks ago my Crossfit totals were:
Dead Lift: 175lbs
Shoulder Press: 70lbs
Back Squat: 130lbs

While my diet wasn't solely responsible for the retreat of my thyroid, radioactive iodine did that one, my diet helps my metabolism and assists my daily little Levoxyl pill keep everything in a comfortable balance.

The hardest part of this process was learning to deal with the reality that I could not eat like "everyone else." I could not be spontaneous and indulge in a shower of chocolate and wine. Eating pizza is painful, and my past loves, brie and bread were gone forever. (Seriously, I have not had brie and bread in over a year.)

It's not so bad on the healthy side of the fence. Promise.

Pretty.

Parallelostory from impactist on Vimeo.

I Like Giants