I'm not sure how many people read this blog, or have ventured into the archives from last year, but after reviewing recent posts which mention the death of my stepfather, I realize they have been slightly cryptic. My stepfather was diagnosed with stage IV secondary brain disease in July of 2008. You can read his blog here. Lung cancer was the culprit even though he presented no signs of a primary lung tumor. My stepfather was a very strong man, physically and mentally, he worked as a landscaper and had quit smoking triumphantly two years prior to this shocking diagnosis. Things were looking very positive up until October when he began to need blood transfusions almost weekly. On November 4th he and my mother received the news that the cancer had spread to all his major organs, bone marrow and almost all of his skeleton. This week last year, November 11th through the 16th, my mother, brother and myself worked around the clock, helping him die in his own bed. With the gracious support of family friends who brought us food and kept our home filled with laughter and love, and the wonderful staff at Hospice Austin, we were able to pull it off. The details of the days and hours and minutes are of no consequence at this point. It is something that if I had to do over again for someone, I would in a heartbeat, but I hope that day is a long time off. All that matters now is that we were by his side every moment, lock step as a family, filled with love and sadness, determined to see him off with dignity. And we did just that.
You have a choice on how you want to experience any given situation in your life and it's up to you which way you would like to go. I suggest trying to take the one with more love, more laughter and while you are there, developing a greater capacity to accept things we cannot change with grace.
I leave you with a great song, which was the first song to play on my ipod when I pulled out of my mother's driveway to head home after all was said and done. I cried. A. Lot. It was serendipitous. Also, the video has bunny costumes, and disco balls, yet more evidence that you can never go wrong with The Flaming Lips....
Lyrics
4 comments:
(((Hugs))))
I started bawling immediately at the first note of this song. Serendipitous indeed. It's like a warm, happy, painful bath of emotion. You and your family are so beautful. No one could ask for a more dignified and loving way to pass from this life.
thanks for sharing. My husband was diagnosed with colon cancer a year and half ago and you are so right when you said: You have a choice on how you want to experience any given situation in your life and it's up to you which way you would like to go. And thanksfully he's on the mend, I do believe recovery no matter the outcome is - is all in the way you handle the experience.
thank you ladies :o) we have faith that we did everything he wanted, as he wanted, and that it was as painless as we were capable of providing him.
Barbara, thank you.
Georgia, I'm glad you felt the same way about the song. I was laughing and crying on the side of the highway, and it was a beautiful moment. I can't listen to the song without falling in love with existence over and over again. Thanks again, over and over for your kind words.
Steffy, I'm glad to hear that your husband is on the mend! Recovery comes in a million different ways, but you have to allow it, some people find it hard to make it to that step. There are steps to the mourning process that are uniform to us all, but it's how we move through those steps which keeps us healthy. Best of luck to you and your family.
:o)
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