Dear Pastry Case, your insides don't play nice with my insides.

Three years ago I decided that I wanted to be fit. Little did I know that fit would transition into athlete. I had no aspirations of running less than a 9 minute mile; I didn't want to do pull ups; I didn't want lift 100#s over my head... I very simply wanted to feel better: better about myself, better in my body, and I knew the clock was ticking. Each second I delayed taking the leap, my bad behavior was gelling and would become more and more difficult to change.

There was no plan, no strategy. All I had was this nagging desire to be different. Frankly, that's all a person really needs.

I completed the I AM CROSSFIT challenge first benchmark this weekend and was very surprised with my results. After nine months of inconsistent training, and total eating failure (ie-peanut butter, nutella and jam sandwiches, wine, wine, wine, you name it, I ate it), I pulled off the elite level and it was like I had never left. I got as far as the very first time I did the workout in 2009.

But, this time I did it with 95# hang cleans and unassisted pull ups. I've never felt so good about a DNF.

My first thought the morning of the challenge was how incredible it was that here I am, about to embark on my fourth year in this new body, and not only am I taking on the elite level, but it's not unreasonable in the least.

I had three goals that day and attaining one would leave me feeling successful:

- Complete 2 full rounds
- Positive thinking the entire time
- Perfect form

On the runs, I spent the time remembering push ups on my knees, not being able to run more than 100m without stopping, using the 10# weights and being so.damn.exhausted. I remembered Catherine and I huffing and puffing, cleaning a 35# bar and being so sore after just a few squats. I had a reunion with my success. I didn't have a negative thought the entire time, my form was perfect, and I got 2 complete rounds done.

My training regimen is very aggressive: 5 workouts a week, plus 400m sprints and a 5k. I'm not on a whiff of Advocare, and I'm going to see how much can really be gained solely on diet and exercise. After a week of clean eating, I stood in front of the pastry case at Whole Foods and literally felt sick. I also replayed the final scene of Labyrinth, where Sarah tells the goblin king "you have no power over me" :



It's at the 2 minute mark.

Anyholyshiti'magonnagetsodamnrippedineightweeks... no almond butter, no cheats, no alcohol, clean as a whistle eating and hard core training. It's going to be off the hook yo.

PS- one thing that is absolutely IMPERATIVE to a successful fitness challenge, is a support team. YOU NEED PEOPLE AROUND YOU. I am lucky enough to have two groups: my IAM team and the Team Phoenix ladies, new member Matti, who are inspirational beyond measure. I get kind of squealie when I think about how fucking amazing our asses and brains will be by March. Bikini shopping will be so satisfying.