Jeesh.

Sorry for the lag, it's been a whirlwind of a month. March has a tendency to storm in, stake her claim for my life and then sneak out the back door without so much of a goodbye. It's cool though, I can forgive her...

I had my birthday! 29 years round the sun, and when I woke up that morning, I honestly felt different. First time in my waking memory that the world was a newer place, not filled with the same calamity, and a bit more sparkly with wonder. As much as I do not enjoy feeling disjointed and removed from my daily routine, this is different, and ok by me. Did my Saturn return and pass? That would be a welcome relief.

ANGIE, came in on Monday and didn't kick my ass quite as hard as she usually does. I can feel the full RX'd time approaching. I made it through 75 kipps in a little over 8 mins, and switched to push ups because my palm ripped. Push ups were solid, chest to the ground beauties, and dammit if I didn't fight for each one after number 80. Makes you feel like your face is going to pop right off your head. Yesterday (and a touch today) my abdominal column was so very taut. Thump, thump. Hard. I'm always amazed at how Angie (100 pull ups, 100 push ups, 100 sit ups and 100 squats) rearranges my notion of "easy" and "work." After the push ups are done, the rest goes so quickly, it feels like rest.

Yes, I did refer to 100 sit ups and 100 squats as "rest" and yes, I know how crazy that sounds.

OVERHEAD SQUATS, I OWN YOUR ASS NOW (as of this morning). Everyone has a "red-headed stepchild" olympic lift. Overhead squats have always been mine. They hurt the wrists, require an incredible amount of core stability and can be terrifying. They've even made my bottom lip quiver and my eyes fill with tears. BUT! This morning I got to 90#s! Red-headed stepchild no more.

AND I'M EATING A CUPCAKE THIS AFTERNOON. A real one. With sugar and butter. White sugar. Yellow butter. Probably a little cream cheese for the frosting.

I will probably need to be peeled off the ceiling.....

Undertow

My house fell through today. It's irretrievable, lost behind legalities from an old marriage that wasn't disclosed until the clock had almost expired on our second option period. I'm drinking a beer, picking my heart off the floor, and reevaluating my intention. We've discussed the problem at length with lawyer friends and the time limit is just too long. It just wasn't meant to be.

If there is one thing I know with complete certainty, it's that my intention always prevails, in spite of what my desires grow into. My intention when this journey started was to build equity and purchase a home that would become rental property. Rental properties are not dream homes, and that little house in the trees off Webberville Road was borderline dream home for me.

So it goes....

The lesson I have here for anyone who cares to listen is that being a person of action is critical in living a decent life. It can be hard and very uncomfortable, but allowing the past to creep up and usurp your future is tragic on so many levels. I will never forget this, and I will button up the seemingly extraneous parts of my life so that down the line my goals will be clean and unfettered from the mistakes of the past and I think you should too. I lost this house because following through with completion of a divorce two years old was just too much to deal with. Yep. That's right.

When I was going through the double whammy of thyroid apocalypse and my stepfather's illness and death, I developed a very helpful meditation to deal with the stress of losing control. I imagine myself in an undertow. Pulled by forces I cannot stop, to a place that I do not know, I imagine myself limp and abiding. I know that I will accept where I end up, and I will flourish there.

Anysonofabitchican'tbelieveihavetodothisalloveragain..... IT'S A LEARNING EXPERIENCE....RIGHT?!?!?!? A'ight. I got it now, this is an electric fence we will not be hitting again.

Mr. Universe just gave me some more lemons, and I'm about to make one hell of a batch of lemonade.

May your day be as phenomenal as Freddy Mercury wearing an eyeball suit, surrounded by cherubs

Yep, just like that.

Yes.

These are my late grandparents as newly weds, playing on the beach in the Hamptons. We found this photo the morning after my grandmother lost her fight following quadruple bypass surgery, while we were still numb with grief, bundled with other equally sweet images of them as young lovers. As we sifted through their home we found caches of photos, letters, and treasure boxes cataloguing their life as friends, enemies, lovers, parents and most importantly: individual people. Surrounded by cryptic notes on scraps of paper and drunk love letters, we found ourselves heartsick and humbled at the depth of their partnership. My grandparents lived extremely full lives, travelled extensively and lived in over seven countries. Their lives were like magical stories when I was child, and I want to have a similar arsenal of tales when I get to be a wrinkled old lady. Which brings me to my the point of this post:

My grandfather had this amazing way of saying no, while making you believe he said yes. I remember him telling me once that "yes is one of the most powerful words a person can say to another, and to themselves." He was right. Check out this blog post The Power of Yes: A Simple Way to Get More Out of Life. The author makes solid points about how to begin living the life you want. A lot of times we find ourselves day dreaming about the things we want, with no idea of how to take the first step.

"We all have dreams, but most of us make excuses for not pursuing them. Often these excuses aren’t overt. It’s more a matter of inertia, of just ignoring the dreams, of maintaining the comfortable status quo. But you can break out of your comfort zone to get more out of life through the simple power of yes."

Let's wash our lives in a big bucket of Yes and see where it gets us, shall we?

Recognizing Opportunity

I read an article a few months back detailing how researches have determined what makes certain people "lucky" versus "unlucky" and it lies primarily in a person's ability to recognize and pursue multiple opportunities at the same time. There were several experiments, here is one that I remember specifically:

One by one the self described "lucky" and "unlucky" people were asked to find an article in the back section of a newspaper, when it actually was placed in smaller print on the back of the first page. The lucky people found it almost immediately while most of the unlucky people couldn't find it at all and gave up in exasperation. When the lucky people were asked how they came across the article so quickly, most responded that they already knew it would be in the back of the paper, so why not survey the other pages, just in case.

Opportunities take many different forms and are sometimes in places we never think to look. Sometimes they come in the form of negative experiences, like diseases or accidents, not all are presented to us in a positive light. Maybe being "lucky" has nothing to do with odds and everything to do with outlook? The experiment above certainly suggests that would be the case.

I'm thinking a lot about opportunity right now. I started this year as a renter and tonight I go under contract for my first house. If you would have told me in January I would be a homeowner by the end of March, I would have laughed at you. It wasn't until I went out on, what I considered to be, a lark, and applied for pre-qualification just to see where I was at. I was prepared for rejection and was overjoyed when I received acceptance.

Do you avoid opportunities for fear of failure or rejection? We all do to some extent, but why? Why is it that we stop ourselves from pursuing goals and dreams for fear that we will fail? Is that goal or dream a one shot chance?

Probably not.

So here I am with a little anecdotal evidence for you on the power of recognizing opportunity and being creative with problem solving. When you are focused and completely committed, shit can get accomplished at break neck speed and that goal or dream isn't all that far away from you after all.

Home Sweet Home

Brutal Mix of Noncompliance

Pre-dawn negotiating with my inner three year old isn't as hard as it used to be. I know how horrible I feel when I miss a workout, and 30-45 extra minutes of sleep isn't worth the following 14-some-odd hours I spend wishing I had just gotten out of bed. I have a well oiled autopilot that switches on, coming to a rescue like a parent saving their child from making a poor decision with a "you'll thank me later" quality. This morning was excrutiating. On the way to the gym I spent the entire drive mulling over as many negative things as I could possibly pull out from the recesses of my brain. I even went so far as to criticize my lack of a proper hair tie.

I was on fire.


a visual representation of my mood

During the warm up, shortly after I realized that my shoulder is still pissy (which is completely my fault for not rolling it out as often as I should be doing right now), and right before I decided, definitively, not to care about this workout, Carey swooped in with exactly the right thing to say, at exactly the right time: "You are in control of your day. You have a choice as to how this goes."

And so I chose to step in and care. I didn't have much left in me after all the holes I punched in myself on the drive over, but I gave 100% of what I had and I didn't complain while I was in it.

Sometimes when you are in a sour mood, the last thing you want to admit is that you don't really hate everything, you are just in need of a little rest and a hug.

Sometimes that needed rest is in the form of 5 rounds of a 500m row and heavy thrusters and the hug is a verbal dose of reality from someone who cares.

More Normal than Normal

Last Friday while discussing all the possible reasons with my doctor as to why I'm so darn tired all the time, he suggested a cortisol and full blood panel test to make sure there wasn't another issue that was being ignored. Cortisol has been a very hot topic lately amongst the Crossfitting tribes, as it tends to prevent your body from losing belly fat, along with a host of other problems; its generally not something you want in overabundance in your body. It's also the red flag for a couple of adrenal diseases, neither of which sound like fun.

So. Good news came via the postal service yesterday evening. I'm totally normal. Even with all this house buying stress, plus all the other fleeting stresses of the day, and the increase in workouts, my body is handling it like a champ. Also, for not eating dairy my calcium levels are spot on; my blood levels are awesome, no anemia; my kidney function is perfect. Blah, blah, blah.

TAKE THAT, FDA FOOD PYRAMID! Dairy is not the only vehicle by which calcium enters the body, and FURTHERMORE, you need to establish a NEED for your body to absorb excess calcium, read: weight bearing exercise. Otherwise, you will just have excess calcium and you'll then be needing laxatives, because excess calcium causes constipation. Are you seeing a vicious cycle here? First commercial is all about calcium supplements, next commercial is Jamie Lee Curtis selling you yogurt that will help you poop. Which FYI, all yogurt has enzymes which help your digestive tract. A spoonful of plain yogurt a day will help, or if you are sans dairy, acidophilus pills will do the same thing.

Anywho... I went ahead and filled the ridiculously expensive script for a nasal allergy spray. That paired with keeping the dog hair to a minimum by washing things constantly, my sleep has improved, my eyes feel less like lead balls of fire, and my patience levels have returned to those of a sane person.

Two of my good friends are quitting smoking today. I've decided to pledge $2 a day to a charity of their choice until their wedding day, April 4th, for every day they remain smoke free. Wendi and Richard, I love you both, you can do it!