My house fell through today. It's irretrievable, lost behind legalities from an old marriage that wasn't disclosed until the clock had almost expired on our second option period. I'm drinking a beer, picking my heart off the floor, and reevaluating my intention. We've discussed the problem at length with lawyer friends and the time limit is just too long. It just wasn't meant to be.
If there is one thing I know with complete certainty, it's that my intention always prevails, in spite of what my desires grow into. My intention when this journey started was to build equity and purchase a home that would become rental property. Rental properties are not dream homes, and that little house in the trees off Webberville Road was borderline dream home for me.
So it goes....
The lesson I have here for anyone who cares to listen is that being a person of action is critical in living a decent life. It can be hard and very uncomfortable, but allowing the past to creep up and usurp your future is tragic on so many levels. I will never forget this, and I will button up the seemingly extraneous parts of my life so that down the line my goals will be clean and unfettered from the mistakes of the past and I think you should too. I lost this house because following through with completion of a divorce two years old was just too much to deal with. Yep. That's right.
When I was going through the double whammy of thyroid apocalypse and my stepfather's illness and death, I developed a very helpful meditation to deal with the stress of losing control. I imagine myself in an undertow. Pulled by forces I cannot stop, to a place that I do not know, I imagine myself limp and abiding. I know that I will accept where I end up, and I will flourish there.
Anysonofabitchican'tbelieveihavetodothisalloveragain..... IT'S A LEARNING EXPERIENCE....RIGHT?!?!?!? A'ight. I got it now, this is an electric fence we will not be hitting again.
Mr. Universe just gave me some more lemons, and I'm about to make one hell of a batch of lemonade.
7 comments:
I feel ya on this one. All the way.
I'm so sorry to read this news. of course, your sensible, awesome attitude will prevail. But good golly, I hope you are giving yourself a little bit of moping time, too. Jeez.
You will, of course, find another house. And you will love it, too.
Big hug.
Erika, this was bitter sweet to read. I know how excited you were. Life is funny. Just when you think where you're supposed to be, the road changes or the weather changes... or the damn metaphor altogether changes. :)
My heart is with ya, girl. I know the feeling you're speaking of. Learning when to just be limp and ride things out. It's kind of a weird sensation -- being so comfortable about things being out of your control. To me, that's what pure confidence is... it's what we all strive to be. Knowing each of us can handle the situations this life throws our way.
I look forward to hearing about the next house, and seeing you emerge from the undertow with that awesome smile on your face.
Oh it stings. A lot. Yesterday I allowed myself to mourn the loss and now I am ready to forge ahead. Though, it still stings. It's really tragic that I lost the house due to someone's inability to just follow through... oiy. I've found myself more than once since the bomb dropped screaming "SERIOUSLY?!?!!?" at my ceiling. We were supposed to close next Friday. {sigh} Thanks for the support ladies. I really appreciate it right now.
I often find myself shouting "SERIOUSLY?!" at the walls of my house. It's oddly comforting to make a colossal noise that doesn't expect a response.
Oh, Erika, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I know you're resilient and strong, but I also know that this hurts, and I'm sorry for that. Thanks for reminding all of us that sometimes we have to just let go and let the tide take us where it may. I know there are many wonderful times ahead for you, and I can't wait to celebrate those with you. Love you.
Your posts are incredible. That is all.
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