This week, one year ago, I started the wave of doctors appointments and blood draws to pin down the cause of my extremely large thyroid gland. My thyroid was huge. Normal size maxes out around 30g and mine was a whopping 114g. Now, I had been in CrossFit classes up until this point, trudging through the workouts, feeling like a complete wimp because my body could not continue most of the time. My heart felt like it was coughing at times, which sounds about as comfortable as it feels. Gurgling in my chest, shaking hands, absolutely no power, no breath....
Thus began my journey into learning how to really take care of myself and understanding how deep the separation between body and mind was.
I removed everything that I loved from my diet. Everything. Cheese, all grains, anything with iodine (avocado, seriously), alcohol, all sugar, and then gradually added some things back in for short bits to see how I felt. No doctor told me to do this. I knew this was the way to decrease the symptoms of the hyperthyroid disorder I had been dealing with. I used information from the internet to guide me to the most serious offenders in the food world and went from there. Everyone is different, so I was careful to not throw myself into one path, but look to as many as possible.
Changing your diet for the long term is like stopping a freight train. There are so many different layers present in our relationship with food and most of them are so subconscious to our daily existence, we overlook them with ease. We actually don't WANT to find them so we project and deflect, dance around the real reason, because quite frankly the real reason is the one that's going to hurt the most.
Cuz it's rarely about food.
One year later I have a very accurate view of my body and what it needs. I miss eating certain things, and every once in while I indulge a little, but it takes me a few days to recover. I don't know many people who get a hangover from eating a piece of cake, it's very annoying.
One year ago this week my Crossfit totals (max weight) were:
Dead Lift: 70lbs
Shoulder Press: 35lbs
Back Squat: 45lbs
-Excess thyroid hormone degrades the muscle tissue in the shoulders and the hips.
Two weeks ago my Crossfit totals were:
Dead Lift: 175lbs
Shoulder Press: 70lbs
Back Squat: 130lbs
While my diet wasn't solely responsible for the retreat of my thyroid, radioactive iodine did that one, my diet helps my metabolism and assists my daily little Levoxyl pill keep everything in a comfortable balance.
The hardest part of this process was learning to deal with the reality that I could not eat like "everyone else." I could not be spontaneous and indulge in a shower of chocolate and wine. Eating pizza is painful, and my past loves, brie and bread were gone forever. (Seriously, I have not had brie and bread in over a year.)
It's not so bad on the healthy side of the fence. Promise.
7 comments:
I love this post -- and I love YOU.
Look at your CrossFit total numbers! All of them are at least doubled. That's beautiful. I hope you're gloating at little (at least in private).
This really resonated with me: "The hardest part of this process was learning to deal with the reality that I could not eat like 'everyone else.'"
Oh! The number of times I've said that to myself. And then I realized that the people around me that I like and admire -- you, our CrossFit coaches, my friend Cathlin, my Weight Watchers mentor Pam -- eat like I do. With care and diligence and an occasional indulgence -- that maybe they pay for later.
I used to whine and whine, "Why can't I just eat like a normal person?" But "normal people" are overweight or obese and unhappy and out of touch with what real food tastes like.
I don't want to be normal. I want to be like YOU ;-)
And you're not alone, sister. Cake gives me a hangover, too -- and tortilla chips can go f*ck themselves, those delicious little bastards.
Congratulations on surviving your thyroid adventure.
Thank you so much for posting this. I love it and I almost feel as though you said everything that is in my head. It's such a great feeling to know that I am not alone.
You have come so far and I am so proud of you. You are both mentally and physically strong and you have helped me realize that with hard work and dedication, anything is possible. Just like you and Mel, this thought goes through my mind several times a day and it is so frustrating, "The hardest part of this process was learning to deal with the reality that I could not eat like 'everyone else." However, I have realized that I don't want to eat the way everyone else does because they are soo unhealthy and although they do not realize it now, those foods are going to cause health problems in the long run. With age, everyone has to begin to watch what they eat and exercise in order to be healthy, we've just got a head start on everyone else!! woo hoo!!!
I admire your strength and most especially your positive attitude. I know we've only spoken once, but you were 110% honest and real with me and didn't sugar-coat anything. Thank u for that. We both know how much it sucks to not be able to eat the foods we may want to, but you never ever let that get you down. Thank you for showing me that it IS possible to be happy AND fit with a thyroid condition.
You are wonderful and inspire me to not give up on myself. Thank you so much for everything!! Keep up all the good and hard work!! Your before and after numbers are WOW!!!!! Congrats on all your success!!!!
What a wonderful post. I knew I needed to comment immediately on your statement "the hardest part of this process was learning to deal with the reality that I could not eat like everyone else" because I relate to that SO MUCH! What's awesome is that 2 other smart ladies made a comment on the exact same thing...and that makes me think...the "everyone else" in my life is shrinking and our community of healthy eaters is growing. We are NOT alone...even though we so often feel we are. We have a wonderful community of like minded people battling these same thoughts. Let's carry each other in our hearts and minds so that when we are not with like minded people and we REALLY want that piece of cake that everyone else is indulging in-we have the strength to stay on track. In fact, maybe we can try and change our thoughts from, "it sucks that I can't eat like everyone else" to "it's too bad they don't realize how bad this is making them feel and they can't eat like all the healthy people I know." Maybe that will help. Of course easier said than done...food is powerful.
Thank You so much for this post and I am so happy to have you in my life.
Amen, sister. I think this a lot:
"it's too bad they don't realize how bad this is making them feel and they can't eat like all the healthy people I know."
But here's my conflict: SOMETIMES if I'm tired or stressed, I can't make myself care about the consequences, I just want the pleasure of the food. that happens less and less, but it still happens sometimes. And I think I'm OK with it happening from time to time, 'cause the rest of the time, I eat right and it feels great.
Thanks so much for the feedback! It's interesting to look back and see the progress from a bird's eye POV. Mindy, the goals are solid and getting past the hurdles is not a lot of fun, but once you hit a good stride, it's worth it.
Changing your brain around is key. On a physiological level, it takes around 11 days to form new pathways and 21 for a decent reinforcement. In 48 to 72 hours most of the sugar/toxins are out of your body and the cravings reduce. The rest is just reminding yourself of the new path. Somehow, knowing these stages really helped me get through the bulk of the change over.
It is still very difficult to deal with the questions and negative comments. "Why don't you eat bread?" "Why are you denying yourself so much?" "What's wrong with a little cheese?" Suddenly I'm the control freak because I don't want to eat any potato chips! HA!
Misery loves company, I guess...
Good work on eating clean ladies!!!
Erika, thank you for your encouraging words. You, Mel, and Bonita all know too well how much I am struggling with accepting this condition and getting rid of the negative thoughts. It is difficult but also empowering. We are all physically stronger now than we may have ever been and being able to overcome and accept the limitations our condition sets makes us soo psychologically strong and gives us the ability to handle ANYTHING!!!! Bring it on world!!! Nothin will get us down!! =)
I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. This condition brought me to CF, which led me to meet you and so many other amazing people who have the same goals and interests as I do.
I look forward to finding that "good stride". I hope it doesn't take too long to find it lol.
I also always think what Catherine said, "it's too bad they don't realize how bad this is making them feel and they can't eat like all the healthy people I know." It's hard to remember this at times, but it's soo true. Its bizarre how people talk down to people who eat healthy and say they are weird, when in reality, eating healthy is what EVERYONE SHOULD BE DOING!!! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with or weird about eating healthy and working out. There are a million things wrong with and BAD about eating unhealthy foods and sitting on your bumskies.
Screw all dem haters! They just wish they had the self control to eat clean and motivation to work out as hard as we do!! =)
Wow! Those numbers are amazing. It is so encouraging to look back and see how far you've come.
It's also nice to be part of a community where, yes, people don't think you are a freak for not eating this or that.
I finally got off the dairy/gluten train and feel so much better. And your are right, once you get over that initial hump, it isn't that hard. Especially when you have a cheese enchildada hangover and feel like crap!
Great post and keep up the great work! I miss being in class with you :)
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